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George's Humor
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George
Clooney on THE BURDEN OF BEING SEXY
(Sarcasm alert!): The flip side of being Sexiest Man Alive is... There's
a lot of pressure. There are all the events you have to show up for. The
sash you have to wear that is embarrassing. There's pressure to remain
sexy. That's why I do a lot of cosmetic work. I've been doing a lot of
Botox, but I've also started on my back and the back of my head so I could
see how it works. You should see the back of my neck. So young. So smooth,
so wrinkle-free.
This one's going to be hard for Brad since he's been Sexiest Man Alive
twice. He's enjoyed that mantle. I'd say "Sexiest Man Alive"
to him and he'd go, "Two-time." So that's been taken away. We
used to call him Two Time. So Brad's going to be upset too. Brad's been
working out a lot. After Troy, he thought he'd be named it a third time--pull
the hat trick, as we called it. But for me, I'll tell him this is my last
hurrah. (People Magazine, November 27, 2006)
 Winning
an Oscar for his role in Syriana didn't go to Clooney's head so much
that he was about to give up flirting. The night before the ceremony,
he was seen cuddling with his old flame, actress Krista Allen, over dinner
in a restaurant. A day later, at the post-ceremony Governors Ball, he
brandished the golden statuette and puckishly said to a female reporter,
"Do you want to hold it? You can hold the Oscar too, if you'd like."
(Source: Maclean's, 3/20/2006)
"And I must admit I'm disappointed I didn't get nominated
for my choreography from MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA." GEORGE CLOONEY jokes
about his four nominations at last night's (19FEB06) BAFTAs. He won nothing.
"I remember taking this girl to her prom, and it wasn't going
well, so I suggested driving her home. The girl wanted the date to last
longer, so she refused to tell me where she lived. To top it off, it was
the first time I've ever driven my dad's car downtown, and I got pulled
over by a cop. By then it was pouring rain, and I had to get out of the
car in my tux with no ID. I wailed 'Officer, I'm lost, and she won't tell
me how to get her home. And my dad set me up with her!' The cop looked
at me, looked at my date and said, 'Son, I'll show you how to get her
home. No ticket.' "
 "It's
already done. We did it in my backyard. I was fabulous." George
Clooney jokes he's already shot Ocean's 13 on a very low budget. The second
sequel is due to start shooting later this year (07).
The early, pre-"ER" years were profitable if occasionally
embarrassing, but things are going pretty sweetly now said triple- Oscar
nominee George Clooney, who tossed around such previous career indignities
as "The Facts of Life" and "Batman and Robin" with
good humor.
"If you can survive wearing a mullet, you can survive anything,"
Clooney said. Asked whether he thought that the spate of socially relevant
and politically charged films might make for some charged acceptance speeches,
Clooney wouldn't speculate. "I am bringing Dick Cheney as my date,"
Clooney said. "He called me up and asked me if I wanted to go hunting,
and now he's going as my date."
 THE
dashing George Clooney must resign himself to a spell in the kennel.
The Hollywood hearthrob, 40, has been found guilty of plotting a dastardly
scheme to humiliate fellow pretty boy actor Matt Damon. Clooney says Damon,
31, star of Good Will Hunting, was hoping to be named as People magazine's
"Sexiest Man Alive" and told the San Francisco Chronicle: "I
knew it would kill Matt if people thought he was lobbying for it".
So Clooney mischievously tried to place an Oscar nomination-style ad in
Variety reading: "For Your Consideration: Matt Damon for Sexiest
Man Alive".
"But Variety wouldn't accept it, " Clooney laments, "even
though I kept telling them it was just for fun." It's
hard to imagine that anyone has been more of a practical joker than
George Clooney. He's canceled friends' airline and/or hotel reservations.
He took a photo from an "ER" cast member's stag party and had
it blown up into a billboard shortly before the wedding. During his "ER"
days, he rigged a fake "body" in surgery with a whoopie cushion,
set to go off when his castmates operated, and spiked a glass of orange
juice a costar had to drink in a scene -- with Tabasco.
In what
seems to be one practical joke after another, it looks like George
Clooney paid back Brad Pitt for making him look like a egomaniac on the
set of "Ocean's Twelve." It all started when Brad sent a memo
to all crew (pretending it was from George) insisting they call him by
his character's name, Mr. Ocean. This went on for a month until George
found out what was going on. Well not to be out done, George waited until
the final day of filming before teaming up with his other costar Matt
Damon to get Brad back. Matt says, "Brad was about to drive off and
George came up to say good-bye. Brad was sitting in his car and George
kind of tapped the car with his hand and said, 'All right, take care.'"
When he pulled his hand away, he'd left a bumper sticker that read 'Small
Penis Onboard.' So Brad drove through rush-hour traffic in LA with it,
and all these people were looking at him and waving." Found at: gophercentral.com
Q: Didn't you pull an especially heinous prank on Matt on the set
of "Ocean's 11?" Clooney (laughing): "Well yes, and I'm
glad that you asked. Steven Soderbergh and I went to Variety magazine
after we put a real ad together. You know how they do For Your Consideration'
ads for the Oscars. We made up one that said: 'For your consideration:
Matt Damon, Sexist Man Alive.' And we were going to make it look like
Matt Damon paid for the ad himself. I actually called Variety and they
said, 'You know this is a professional publication. You can't place that
ad. I cried, 'But it's funny!'"
Found at: cinecon.com
 "He's
a practical joker," says Bernie Mac about fellow "Ocean's
Twelve" costar George Clooney. "You've got to watch yourself
at all times. You open a door; you better make sure a bucket of water
doesn't fall on you.
George'll put gum in your drink after he's chewed on it. You better
watch when you sit down, make sure the chair don't fold up on you and
there aren't no tacks on it. He's a mofo. George is constantly needling
you."
Driving home from the Warner Brothers lot one day, George spotted
a huge oil painting of a big-breasted, huge-bottomed and totally naked
Mexican woman, in a rubbish bin.
Swinging his
grey BMW over to the curb, he leaned our and grabbed the picture. It was
the ugliest thing he'd ever seen. But George had a plan. He normally meets
"The Boys" on a Monday night but after bagging the picture,
he started crying off - telling his mates he was going to art classes.
Claiming it was therapeutic, he began dragging his friends around craft
fairs and artists' shops. This went on for six months until George presented
Richard Kind (press secretary Paul on Spin City) with a gift -
an oil painting he'd "done himself" of a large, naked Mexican
woman. He'd even signed it.
 Richard
was flabbergasted. The picture was hideous. George had absolutely no talent.
But George was his best friend in the world. How could he upset him? He
managed a weak smile and hung the painting in pride of place on his living-room
wall. It was weeks before George let him in on the secret.
(Asked during the filming of "Three Kings")
You're notorious for your practical jokes on the set. Was there one that
people won't forget this time?
Nora Dunn, who plays a TV correspondent, had been riding me like crazy,
really giving me a hard time. She was just having fun, but I was like,
"Watch it, because I'll get you." She's like, "Come on,
man, I'm not scared of you." So, during a scene where we were all
coming to the Iranian border in Humvees, I took this giant radio antenna
that was on the back of my Humvee and put an apple on it, bent it back
and just let it fly. The apple was like a missile. I'd never tried it
before, but amazingly, it smacked Nora right in the forehead. There were
300 extras, and I ran around getting high fives from everybody. It was
truly one of the great moments in my life.
Articles and tid bits about George's humor and practical jokes will
be posted here.
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